As Doug hauntingly notes,

Adultery is the enemy of reverence. By its sheer brazenness, adultery creates enormous pastoral challenges for modern churches as more and more Christians find themselves caught in the web of adulterous activity—either as the offending or the innocent party. Absent (omitted?) in much of Savage and Haag’s research are the awkward conversations, the cover-up, the lying, the betrayal, the horror of discovery, and the aftermath of ruptured trust that usually accompanies adultery.

Victims of adultery often find themselves ashamed, reeling from embarrassment, and filled with rage at the offending spouse. Adultery’s treachery leaves a scar that takes decades to heal, and the children of adulterers too emerge into adulthood with open wounds and confused ideas about marriage. Sadly, the pattern of adultery often continues in the children of adulterers, creating a living horror that seemingly knows no end.

I’d encourage you to read the whole article. I’d also recommend you pick up a copy of Russ Moore’s convicting and encouraging book Tempted and Tried: Temptation and the Triumph of Christ (Crossway, 2011).

New Hope Publishers have set up a great website for Orphanology. The website includes author information, Bible study aids, written endorsements and other publicity, and a video interview with Tony and Rick. Several contributors to Between the Times had a chance to read an advance copy of the book. Here’s what we had to say about it:

Orphan care and adoption are expressions of practical Christianity because they are expressions of the heart and love of God. Tony Merida and Rick Morton bring that message home loud and clear. This book is simple and straightforward. It is also convincing and convicting. God has reached out to us in Christ and adopted us into Him family. What a blessing for us to do for others what He has done for us! I am thrilled at the renewed interest in orphan care and adoption that is sweeping through the evangelical church. This book reflects this movement. This book will stoke the fires of it too! We bless you Lord for moving so powerfully among your adopted sons and daughters. — Danny Akin

Orphanology presents a gospel-centered theological and practical approach to an often-neglected sphere of ministry.  Morton and Merida call Christians to reflect God’s image as redeemer, defender, provider, and father, and take up the cause for those who have no voice. It is engaging, thorough, accessible, and a convicting joy to read. — Ed Stetzer

Reader beware!  The book you are holding in your hands has the potential to reveal a gospel-denigrating blind spot that has emerged among evangelicals in our generation.  Too many have unwittingly fostered a spirit of apathy toward an issue that our Heavenly Father is overwhelmingly passionate about.  The Father’s heart for the gospel message proclaimed must not be minimized . . . nor should his heart for the gospel message lived out.  In this book the authors provide both a solid biblical theology for adoption and orphan care as well as many practical insights as to how to nurture a Christ-honoring “adoption culture” toward that end in your church.  As I read, I could not help but see my own past complacency regarding this global issue for what it really is – selfishness.   The gospel kills selfishness and cultivates Christ’s own compassion and love for the fatherless.  And because Orphanology bleeds both gospel word and deed , my wife and I are finding that God’s heart for the fatherless is being formed in us leading us to begin praying toward and actively pursuing adoption. — George Robinson

God loves orphans, and one of the most encouraging trends among contemporary evangelicals is the growing emphasis upon adoption and orphan care. Many who have been spiritually adopted by their heavenly Father are now physically adopting or providing foster care to the world’s orphans, reflecting the very heart of God. Tony Merida and Rick Morton have contributed a wonderful addition to the growing literature devoted to gospel-driven orphan care. Orphanology combines a sound biblical-theological rationale for orphan care with godly and practical advice for both families and local churches. I hope this book will be widely read by pastors and other church leaders, couples considering adoption (may their tribe increase!), and any Christian who wants to be a part of what God is doing to lead His church to love all the little children of the world whom Jesus loves. — Nathan Finn

We hope you’ll pick up a copy of this great book as soon as you can. And we hope you’ll join us in praying that God will continue to lead Southern Baptists and other evangelicals to embrace adoption and orphan care as gospel priorities in their homes and local churches.

The second edition introduces new sections on the theology of sex and the parenting of teens, as well as a new chapter on marriage, family, and the church, including an evaluation of the “family-integrated church movement.” The authors have added summaries of recent debates on corporal punishment, singleness, homosexuality, and divorce and remarriage, and responses to several recent articles and monographs on marriage and the family. The second edition also includes updated bibliographies and notes.

Here is a sampling of the reviews of God, Marriage, and Family by J. I. Packer, Mark Dever, Mark Driscoll, and Russ Moore:

“In breadth of coverage, thoroughness of learning, clarity of analysis and argument and, I think, soundness of judgment, this solid, lucid, pastorally angled treatise has no peer.” – J.I. Packer

“Sensible, balanced, and biblical, this is a sound and timely summary of the Bible’s teaching on some of the most basic and yet controversial topics in today’s world. I highly recommend it.” – Mark Dever

“I love this book. It is the best on the subject, and at Mars Hill we have hundreds of couples read it each year as their premarital text. The men in Acts 29 also use it in their churches. God, Marriage, and Family is amazing, comprehensive, biblical, helpful, insightful, and without peer on the matters to which it speaks.” – Mark Driscoll

“If you are looking for just another collection of saccharine clichés about shiny happy Christian families, then you might want to leave this volume on the book-store shelf. In an era when too many Christians listen more intently to television therapists than to the Bible on the question of the family, this could be one of the most significant books you ever read.” – Russell D. Moore

If you are a prospective seminary or doctoral student, we invite you to study at Southeastern under Drs. Köstenberger and Jones. Köstenberger is professor of New Testament and Biblical Theology and Director of the PhD program at Southeastern.  He holds the Ph.D. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and is the author, editor, and translator of numerous books.  Jones is associate professor of Christian Ethics at Southeastern having obtained his Ph.D. from the institution that exists as the nerve center of the theological world (Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary).  His scholarly interests include biblical ethics, financial ethics, environmental stewardship, and topics related to marriage and family life.

By: Danny Akin & Alvin Reid

Years ago a man far away from the U.S. got an idea. Driven with zeal and passion, he convinced others to join him in this idea. This man led no great army at the time. He had no nation under his control.

Yet this man has changed the world. He convinced a couple dozen men to come to the United States in the name of their ideology. They quietly learned to fly domestic air carriers.

On a day that will be remembered forever, they unleashed an attack Jack Bauer could not have anticipated.  Using nothing more than box cutters and the ability to fly planes, these terrorists killed 3000 people on 9-11-2001.

And our world is changed. You see one man can affect history. One person can lead a movement, whether a diabolical one like bin Laden’s, or a noble one like Martin Luther’s Reformation.

If we will have a genuine Great Commission Resurgence it will be because individual believers become consumed again with those things that matter most to the heart of God, and the gospel is the center of that. Earlier movements we remember with great enthusiasm—the First Great Awakening, for instance—would never have happened without individuals stepping out of the status quo into the river of gospel passion and truth. These are days of radical lostness, and only a radical commitment to the Great Commission will suffice.

The bottom line lies not in structures, although they matter. The issue of first importance is not how much a church gives to the CP, though we hope all will increase their giving.

Believers must begin to see the world as if they were missionaries, compelled with a message that matters more than life itself.  The American Dream must die in our time if a love for the gospel will live beyond us. For this to happen, pastors must see the need to live missionally before their people. They must begin to think more like missionary strategists, helping those they lead to think like missionaries whether they are plumbers, lawyers, teachers or homemakers, regardless of their location or vocation.

But one thing more must happen. Families must become Great Commission homes. Parents must stop adopting an American Dream posture on the one hand, pushing their children to financial prosperity over the gospel or an immature MTV attitude over living lives that truly matter on the other.

Richard Baxter once said there would be no reformation in the land unless there was first reformation in the home. Over the past few years we have asked people in churches and classes this question: how many of you grew up in a Christian home? Normally the response is about 80-90%.  We then asked: how many of you remember talking as a family about reaching your neighbors for Christ? Usually the response is about 10%.

We raise our children as functioning atheists among our neighbors, and we do so to our shame!

The dirty little secret in the Southern Baptist Convention could be that when separated from our church buildings and programs, far too many families in our churches demonstrate very little gospel living and even less gospel sharing.

What can we do?

Ask yourself whether you think like a missionary. Do you, for instance, have at least three names of people in your cell phone who do not know Jesus, but you know well enough to invite them to coffee or lunch to talk about Christ?  Do you have relationships with unsaved people, or is Christianity for you a subculture separate from the world for whom Christ died?

Ask yourself this question:  “What if the North American Mission Board commissioned my family as missionaries?” You would not change your job, your location, or anything except that you are now living your life, doing your job, whatever it is, as a missionary.  Your primary assignment is to live out and speak about the gospel in your community, making disciples, growing churches. How would you live differently? What if you were assigned to your community and to your job or school to be a missionary there?

After all, life is a mission trip—take it!

If you are a pastor, ask yourself how you can help individuals in your church to think and live and share like missionaries. How can you help employees in the public school to appropriately live as missionaries, since it is the biggest mission field in America?  How can men and women live sent lives in their occupations?

You may be thinking, “I do not know how to do this.” This may take a little more work than preparing a couple of sermons a week and making a few visits. I am not minimizing the importance of those things, but if we will be serious about a move of God that spreads the gospel effectively across this land, our schedules must change. Our learning curve must accelerate.  We must make dramatic changes if we will be serious about the gospel affecting our world in our time.

There is one more thing you can do. You can pray. We are not being trite. We need a God-intervention. Some use prayer for revival as an excuse, praying often and doing little. We think we should pray hard as we live sent lives.

If all politics are local, all things spiritual ultimately are personal.  If there will be a Great Commission Resurgence, it starts in the mirror, and will include the living room.

If Veronica sees that I am answering this question, she may burst out laughing or post angry comments below. I didn’t do a good job leading my wife the 1st year of our marriage. As I often say, I’ve been married for 8 wonderful years and 1 other one for a total of 9. That one bad year was our 1st year, and it was mostly because of me. God graciously changed both of us, mainly me, and because of that Veronica and I now have a much better, and much richer, relationship.

Of course, if you’d have asked me how my 1st year of marriage was during that 1st year, I would have said, like every newlywed Christian guy does, “Awesome!” Liars.

Marriage is the bringing together of 2 insanely flawed people who have hitherto only had to worry about themselves (yes, a slight overspeak, but you get the point). Marriage brings your selfishness and neediness to the surface, and forces you to die to yourself. As you are confronted with the need to die to yourself you likely will put up a nasty fight. Veronica and I both did. Being crucified is never fun, even when you get to have sex in the process.

So, my quick and dirty advice to you newlywed guys would be this:

• Be honest about your struggles. Open up to others about what is going on and quit faking… Be mentored by an older, godly, married man. And, whatever you do, don’t wait on your wife to tell you that you need counseling. You are the spiritual leader, which means that you have to be the one who knows when you need some help.
• Become a student of (a) women, (b) marriage and (c) your wife. (A) Women are very, very different from you. 1 Peter 3:7 calls them a weaker vessel, and tells us to honor them as such. “Weaker” does not mean inferior, but “weaker” as in the way a thermometer compares to a crowbar. True, a crowbar will not break as easily as a thermometer, but there’s a lot of things a thermometer can do that a crowbar can’t do. So learn what those differences are, and honor those in your wife. Recognize that she, by design, reveals a different dimension of the image of God than you do. I’d suggest, for that purpose, William Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs. (B) Learn everything you can about marriage. Read, fool. Turn off SportsCenter and study what the Bible says about this relationship that determines your personal happiness more than ESPN ever will. I’d recommend Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage for that purpose. (C) Become a student of your wife. A married mentor of mine told me that… to observe her, study her, and learn what she loves and what she hates and what hurts her and what thrills her. Your emotional happiness is forever tied to her like it is to no other. Become an certified Ph.D. expert on her.
• Be patient. She is different than you. If she does need to be “changed,” you will do that not by being harsh with her or by criticizing her. You will change her by your unconditional love and adoration. Think about it, that’s how Jesus changes us. He accepts and loves us into His image. Paul tells us to love our wives like that.
• Your primary role with her is lover, not pastor-teacher. I see a lot of young, spiritually-minded guys really screw this one up. I did. Yes, you are to “present her faultless to God,” but you are primarily her Christ-like lover. If you notice that she is not doing her quiet time every day, don’t lecture her about it. If you think she is too concerned about her looks, don’t preach to her about the sin of vanity. If she does indeed struggle with those things, you won’t correct her by teaching her, you’ll only build a feeling of condemnation in her that translates into resentment and her fantasizing about your premature death. Praise her, extol her virtues. Notice the strengths and assume the weaknesses and not visa versa. Over time, the love you show her and the model you are to her will produce more change in her than one of your brilliantly crafted homiletics…
• Realize that God’s purpose for you in your marriage is to teach you to love like He does, which means loving a flawed sinner despite all their dysfunction. As Saint Lewis (i.e., C.S.) said regarding Ephesians 5:22, “The husband who gets this verse is the one whose marriage most feels like a crucifixion…This verse is most embodied in the husband whose wife receives most and gives the least, it’s the one whose wife is most unworthy of him, is—in her own mere nature—least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely.” Or, to quote Gary Thomas, “Our purpose in getting married is often to find someone who can make us happy by meeting our needs. God’s primary purpose in our marriage is to make us holy by giving us a chance to love like He does.” (my paraphrase)
• Meditate on the Gospel. As Paul shows us in Ephesians 5:22-31, it is only by knowing Christ’s love for you that you can love her properly. Think on it often, and love your wife as you have been loved.
• Give yourselves a while to get good at sex. Especially if you are a virgin when you get married, give yourselves a while to get good at sex. The worst sex of your life will be on your honeymoon. You’ll good get at it, I promise. Those who report the greatest satisfaction with their sex lives are married Christian couples who have been married for a while (see Danny Akin, God on Sex).

Hope this helps… thoughts from others? If it helps, we did a study on marriage and relationships last year from Song of Solomon called “exposed.” You can go here, type in “exposed” in the “sort options,” and they’re all up for free.

I have in the past shared the story of my parents and their illnesses, as well as the struggles of my Mom, who was stricken with Alzheimer’s some years ago.  In the most recent blog about visiting my dying mother I wrote of Mom’s fervent wish, stated after the death of Dad, her husband of 53 years, that she wanted to “go home.” My brother at first thought she meant she wanted to return to his house from the nursing home where we had finally determined to place her. But she corrected him and informed him that he wasn’t listening to her – she wanted to go home, to the home prepared for her by Jesus.

Mom has now gone home. We were told the weekend before last that she probably did not have much time left. My brothers and sister and I gathered with her and remained with her round the clock during her final days. This past Wednesday in the late evening we were at her bedside, and it was obvious she would not survive the night.

Though we were never sure if she could hear or understand us, we told her how much we loved her, we thanked her for her great love for us, and we prayed – commending her soul to our God and asking God to send his angels to carry her to eternal rest. At the conclusion of that prayer she lingered for a few moments, she took one final breath, and she made that final journey to the arms of her Savior. Mom is free from the struggles that attended her later years of life; she suffers no more.

We feel loss, of course, even though we have known for years this day would come. The cessation of her heartbeat is a reminder to us that, for this time, our mother is with us no more. But the death of her physical body serves as a reminder that we will be together again, we who are in Christ, and that these dying bodies will be raised in the last day by the resurrected Lord.

One of the sweet nurses, one of the many dear souls who have attended so wonderfully to our mother, reminded us that such confidence is well-founded because Christ is risen from the dead. As she said that, I realized how the truth of the cross and resurrection never gets old, it never fails to matter. It is for us today the hope of all hopes.

So I have journeyed home for the last time to see my mother. And she has journeyed home this final time to meet her Savior. And I will remember from now on that every journey “home” – whether to a place, or for a holiday, or for another death – is a reminder of that final journey.

You lived well, Mom. You loved us and cared for us in a manner that reminded us daily of Christ and the gospel. And because your life is hidden with Christ in God, you have entered your rest. Requiescat in pace.

Does [American culture's] stance tell our young people that we value independence and financial security more than we value the “holy union” of matrimony? One of the arguments I hear against marrying “young” is that the man or the woman has not fully realized his or her individual identity. I would argue that marrying young enables the couple to grow and find their identity together.

Don’t hear me advocating teenage marriage. But in our sexually charged culture it may be a stronger tactic to lift and encourage an earlier age at marriage than to keep pushing against “our Creator’s reproductive designs.”

Read the whole editorial at the Biblical Recorder’s website.

For the record, when we got married I was 21 and Leah was 22. I still had one year of college left. We turned out just fine.

WHY WE BELIEVE CHILDREN WHO DIE GO TO HEAVEN

By R. Albert Mohler, Jr. and Daniel L. Akin

Few things in life are more tragic and heartbreaking than the death of a baby or small child. For parents, the grief can be overwhelming. For the minister, to stand over a small, white casket and provide comfort and support seems to ask for more than he can deliver.

Many console themselves with the thought that at least the child is now in a better place. Some believe small children who die become angels. They are certain these precious little ones are in heaven with God.

However, it is important for us both to ask and answer some important questions if we can. Do those who die in infancy go to heaven? How do we know? What evidence is there to support such a conclusion? Sentimentalism and emotional hopes and wants are not sufficient for those who live under the authority of the Word of God. We must, if possible, find out what God has said.

It is interesting to discover that the Church has not been of one mind on this issue. In fact, the early and medieval Church was anything but united. Some Church Fathers remained silent on the issue. Ambrose said unbaptized infants were not admitted to heaven, but have immunity from the pains of hell. Augustine basically affirmed the damnation of all unbaptized infants, but taught they would receive the mildest punishment of all. Gregory of Nyssa offered that infants who die immediately mature and are given the opportunity to trust Christ. Calvin affirmed the certain election of some infants to salvation and was open to the possibility that all infants who die are saved. He said, “Christ receives not only those who, moved by holy desire and faith, freely approach unto Him, but those who are not yet of age to know how much they need His grace.” Zwingli, B.B. Warfield and Charles Hodge all taught that God saves all who die in infancy. This perspective has basically become the dominant view of the Church in the 20th century.

Yet, a popular evangelical theologian chided Billy Graham when at the Oklahoma City memorial service he said, “Someday there will be a glorious reunion with those who have died and gone to heaven before us, and that includes all those innocent children that are lost. They’re not lost from God because any child that young is automatically in heaven and in God’s arms.” The theologian scolded Dr. Graham for offering what he called “. . . a new gospel: justification by youth alone.”

It is our conviction that there are good reasons biblically and theologically for believing that God saves all who die who do not reach a stage of moral understanding and accountability. It is readily admitted that Scripture does not speak to this issue directly, yet there is evidence that can be gleaned that would lead us to affirm on biblical grounds that God receives into heaven all who have died in infancy. Some evidence is stronger than others, but cumulatively they marshall strong support for infant salvation. We will note six of them.

First, the grace, goodness and mercy of God would support the position that God saves all infants who die. This is the strongest argument and perhaps the decisive one. God is love (1 John 4:8) and desires that all be saved (1 Timothy 2:4). God is love and His concern for children is evident in Matthew 18:14 where Jesus says, “Your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.” People go to hell because they choose in willful rebellion and unbelief to reject God and His grace. Children are incapable of this kind of conscious rejection of God. Where such rebellion and willful disobedience is absent, God is gracious to receive.

Second, when the baby boy who was born to David and Bathsheba died (2 Samuel 12:15-18), David did two significant things: 1) He confessed his confidence that he would see the child again and, 2) he comforted his wife Bathsheba (vs. 23-24). David could have done those two things only if he was confident that his little son was with God. Any other explanation does not do justice to the text.

Third, in James 4:17, the Bible says, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” The Bible is clear that we are all born with a sin nature as a result of being in Adam (Roman 5:12). This is what is called the doctrine of original sin. However, the Scriptures make a distinction between original sin and actual sins. While all are guilty of original sin, moral responsibility and understanding is necessary for our being accountable for actual sins (Deuteronomy 1:30; Isaiah 7:16). It is to the one who knows to do right and does not do it that sin is reckoned. Infants are incapable of such decisions.

Fourth, Jesus affirmed that the kingdom of God belonged to little children (Luke 18:15-17). In the passage he is stating that saving faith is a childlike faith, but He also seems to be affirming the reality of children populating heaven.

Fifth, Scripture affirms that the number of saved souls is very great (Revelation 7:9). Since most of the world has been and is still non-Christian, might it be the untold multitude who have died prematurely or in infancy comprise a majority of those in heaven? Such a possibility ought not to be dismissed too quickly. In this context Charles Spurgeon said, “I rejoice to know that the souls of all infants, as soon as they die, speed their way to paradise. Think what a multitude there is of them.”

Sixth, some in Scripture are said to be chosen or sanctified from the womb (1 Samuel 1:8-2:21; Jeremiah 1:5; Luke 1:15). This certainly affirms the salvation of some infants and repudiates the view that only baptized babies are assured of heaven. Neither Samuel, Jeremiah or John the Baptist was baptized.

After surveying these arguments, it is important for us to remember that anyone who is saved is saved because of the grace of God, the saving work of Jesus Christ and the undeserved and unmerited regenerating work of the Holy Spirit. Like all who have ever lived, except for Jesus, infants need to be saved. Only Jesus can take away their sin, and if they are saved it is because of His sovereign grace and abounding mercy. Abraham said, “Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?” (Genesis 18:25). We can confidently say, “Yes, He will.” When it comes to those incapable of volitional, willful acts of sin, we can rest assured God will, indeed, do right. Precious little ones are the objects of His saving mercy and grace.

CONCLUSION

On September 29, 1861, the great Baptist pastor, Charles Spurgeon, preached a message entitled “Infant Salvation.” In that message he chastened some critics who had “. . . wickedly, lyingly, and slanderously said of Calvinists that we believe that some little children perish.” Similar rumblings have been heard in some Baptist circles of late. Spurgeon affirmed that God saved little ones without limitation and without exception. He, then, as was his manner, turned to conclude the message with an evangelistic appeal to parents who might be lost. Listen to his plea:

Many of you are parents who have children in heaven. Is it not a desirable thing that you should go there too? And yet, have I not in these galleries and in this area some, perhaps many, who have no hope hereafter? . . . . Mother, unconverted mother, from the battlements of heaven your child beckons you to Paradise. Father, ungodly, impenitent father, the little eyes that once looked joyously on you, look down upon you now and the lips which had scarcely learned to call you “Father” ere they were sealed by the silence of death, may be heard as with a still, small voice, saying to you this morning, “Father, must we be forever divided by the great gulf which no man can pass?” If you wilt, think of these matters, perhaps the heart will begin to move, and the eyes may begin to flow and then may the Holy Spirit put before thine eyes the cross of the Savior . . . if thou wilt turn thine eye to Him, thou shalt live . . .

Little ones are precious in God’s sight. If they die, they go to heaven. Parents, who have trusted Jesus, who have lost a little one, if they have trusted Jesus, can be confident of a wonderful reunion someday. Are you hopeful of seeing again that little treasure God entrusted to you for such a short time? Jesus has made a way. Come to Him now and someday you will see them again.

[Note: This article and hundreds of other resources are available at http://www.danielakin.com.]