On the Dangers of Seminary (Pt. 7) On the Danger of Being THAT GUY

May 31, 2009 by Bruce Ashford

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This installment is the last one in which I deal with the dangers of seminary (although I plan to follow up with a post speaking to the many positive aspects of seminary). I am certainly not saying that there are no more dangers. In fact, more than a few of you have pounded my inbox with suggestions for additional “dangers” that could be mentioned. Some of the suggestions were serious, but most of them were…not so much.

Actually, I have collated many of your suggestions and expressed your sentiments under the heading, “the danger of being THAT GUY.” Often, THAT GUY is the one who has only recently come to a new theological position and is positively obnoxious about it. You know, the guy who nobody wants to have a conversation with because of the axe he has to grind. A lot of attention has been given to “cage stage” Calvinists (these are freshly minted Calvinists who ought to be locked in a cage for a couple of years until they can stop referring to four-pointers as “quasi-Pelagian” and start uttering sentences that do not contain the phrase “the doctrines of grace”). But there are cage-stage anti-Calvinists too (and they can’t claim that God ordained them to be obnoxious).

And don’t forget the Contextual Seminarian (this guy is similar to the second type of dork to which I refer in an earlier post. He’s the guy with the wounded poet look, emerging church glasses, girl jeans, and a soul patch. And he doesn’t even have a prescription for the glasses). Or the “Courting Only” guy (I’d like to offer him a cold compress for his fevered brow). Or Mr. “Home-School Only” (If one more person at the SBC comes up to me and tells me that it is ungodly for me to send my kids to public school, I think I’m going to strangle him with a floral-patterned jumper).

Other times, THAT GUY is the one who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut in class. He is always pregnant with an inane question. Are you THAT GUY? If so, you are probably blissfully unaware. Did you know there is a Fantasy Seminary League? Are you aware that some of your fellow students choose the names of their favorite THAT GUYs at the beginning of the semester, and form their own Fantasy Seminary team? That’s right. Every time you start into another 4.5 minute question, the guy who picked you gets a point. If you ask three or four of those questions, he gets three or four points. If the teacher ignores you, reprimands you, or pokes a little fun at you, they get double points!

“Oh, no,” you opine. “I’m not THAT GUY.” Really? Well, here is a test: Do people groan and roll their eyes when you start showing off your knowledge, attempting to disguise it in the form of a question? Do you like to bring up your pet theories in every class, struggling to adapt them to interrogative form? Are you personally committed to uttering, in the form of a question, every stray thought you’ve conceived during the lecture? Do your questions start with the phrase, “But don’t you think that…?” Does your teacher get an odd look on his face when you raise your hand? Do your fellow students ever tell you that every time you talk in class they feel like a hamster swimming in a bucket of Thorazine? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you might be THAT GUY. And if you are, stop it. Stop it right now.

Still other times, THAT GUY is one who idolizes a particular man in the ministry. Usually, THAT GUY imports his idol’s interests, theological convictions, pulpit mannerisms, and sometimes even his clothing preferences. Take, for example, students who idolize John Piper (I call them “Pipettes”). When they preach, they try to imitate Piper’s intensity and earnest demeanor, and even his intonations, but instead they look like they are in great pain and are about to implode at any moment. But it is not just Piper. Our campuses have students who seek to impersonate any number of other ministry figures. When I first started preaching (waaaaaay back in 1993), I had discovered James Merritt’s sermon library and started preaching his messages to my youth. Verbatim. Soon, I discovered Adrian Rogers and started preaching his sermons. I tried to imitate his voice and intonations, and even the Adrian Rogers “chuckle” at the end of my (his) jokes. Seriously. Of course, there is nothing wrong with looking up to certain men and women who have walked with the Lord longer than we, and who have much to teach us. But any time we admire a man inordinately we are in trouble. Ultimately, we are called to emulate Christ (and not our heroes) and hold Him and his Word supreme (rather than some man’s theological system or methodological distinctives).

OK, enough of that. I hope that you are not offended by the warning not to be THAT GUY. I’ve tried to be candid, while staying on the nearside of disrespectful. On a more serious note, others suggested that I include the danger of burnout: Seminary brings with it many challenges. There are financial pressures, intellectual challenges, family responsibilities, and church commitments. It is not easy. Likely, you have never had to try to juggle a 30-hr. per week job, 12 hours of class, and 60 required books per semester at the same time that you try to love your family and serve your church. The real question here is how to juggle the multiple callings God has given you: family, church, and two workplaces (seminary and job). This challenge is not easily met, and it continues throughout life, but two insights are particularly helpful: First, recognize that faithfulness is not necessarily to be equated with excellence. Being faithful to your seminary studies is not the same thing as making As in your studies. This might be a season in life when the best thing for you to do is to make As at home and Bs and Cs at school. Second, recognize that there is a reason that the Lord gave us a day of rest. Enjoy your church’s fellowship and worship time, devote several hours to reading and reflecting upon Scripture, and if possible take a nap.

As for the dangers of seminary, this concludes my reflections. In the final installment, I will speak of tremendous assets of the seminary context, of the way in which it can be a catalyst for spiritual growth, theological maturity, and methodological creativity.

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8 Responses to “On the Dangers of Seminary (Pt. 7) On the Danger of Being THAT GUY”

  1. Jeff Fisher says:

    “First, recognize that faithfulness is not necessarily to be equated with excellence.”

    Well said! The mass of things a person has to juggle in addition to his Seminary duties can be so challenging. My heart goes out to the married guys with kids who have left good paying jobs in the marketplace to pursue God’s calling. They make incredible sacrifices.

    Learning to juggle the studies, keep a healthy walk with God, and a healthy family life may be one of the most important lessons that God teaches us in Seminary.

    I’m going to take a nap right now!

  2. Dawson Jarrell says:

    I get that point… and I am sure the grace it takes for a teacher to deal with wave after wave of such guys can make one the St Teresa of Southeastern

    “that guy” was the reason I left seminary to finish in Ga. By that I mean “that guy ” in the mirror and that Guy in the desk next to me, more the mirror than the desk. Not to mention a bank account resembling the business end of a shotgun.. . . *bang*

    Don’t get me wrong – I did not leave like Eminem at the MTV music awards, more so like Bill Bixby at the end of an Incredible Hulk episodes. I do wish I could say I had a pleasant seminary experience; I had a helpful and great educational one but not a pleasant one. Thanks for your honesty and transparency helped me see where I went wrong and where my soul needs to seek the grace with which to grow. Thanks

  3. Dawson, it is good to hear from you. thank you for reading and interacting… I’m sorry that you had to be neighbors with Nathan Finn. That must have been a truly awful experience.

  4. Frank Gantz says:

    As a former seminarian and then an outcast former seminarian living in a seminary town, I say “amen” to this article. It should be required reading for new seminarians. I have just returned to a seminary town after being away for 3 years. I have dear friends in the seminary community, but was refreshed by being away from it all for 3 years.

  5. Zach Terry says:

    That is awesome! Thanks bro.

  6. [...] the Dangers of Being, “That Guy” Here is a hilarious and thought provoking post by Bruce Ashford on the dangers of being, “That [...]

  7. [...] is good for your voice to be heard, IF you have something legitimate to contribute. Don’t be “that guy” at the Convention. I was once and regret [...]

  8. Nathan says:

    Its been five minutes since I read your post and I’m still chuckling.

    Me and a buddy knew a “That Guy”… we named him “Mr. Southeastern”… so many great memories.

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